For the first 50 years of my life, my perfectionist self mistakenly believed it was all about knowing more, getting it right, planning, attempting to prevent bad things from happening, and keeping all of my chicks in a row. It took me this long to discover that the JOURNEY is all that matters. This quote from Gilda Radner sums it all up:

"I wanted a perfect ending. Now I've learned, the hard way, that some poems don't rhyme, and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what's going to happen next.
"


Thursday, March 31, 2011

The Birds and the Bees


My daughter, Kerry, is now a freshman at UVM.  I was talking with her on the phone yesterday about her courses for next semester, and after I got off the phone I thought about some of my favorite courses I took when I was at UVM.  One that leaps to the front of my mind was "Human Sexuality".  It was a very popular elective - one of those HUGE classes of over 200 people.  I signed up to take it Junior year.


The class was always very well attended.  I have to admit it was one of the most "useful" classes I took in college.  Covering sexuality from birth to old-age,  it prepared me for the years of doctor's appointments I experienced while trying to have our first baby.


 It was during this class that I took a HUGE step in my life.


Since the class was so large,  it was broken up into smaller discussion groups once a week.  I can't remember what incentive was offered, but the teacher asked for students to volunteer to be discussion group leaders.
 
And I volunteered.






This may not seem like a HUGE step to you. 

You must realize, however, that I was so shy in high school that I could probably count on one hand the times I volunteered to answer a question.  I rarely even participated in a discussion group.  I don't know how many teachers even knew what my voice sounded like!

But college was a time to reinvent myself.  And this was a part of all that. 






I don't know why I chose to use this class to reinvent myself.  It's not like I was an expert in this subject.  In fact,  I was FAR from it!  I might have been the only virgin in the entire class of 200! You can't even imagine how nervous I was the night of my first discussion group!



Everyone came to the discussion group with an air of bravado on the topic, especially the guys.  But I was straight up with my group right from the start.  I distinctly remember the looks on their faces when I admitted I had never had sex.  As it turned out, that was the ice-breaker that prompted many questions and some wonderful discussions.  I was very strong in my beliefs that sex should wait until marriage and I could introduce another point of view on our topics of discussion throughout the semester.

So, in retrospect, this class proved to be a turning point in my war against shyness.  There have been many more turning points.  With each new role I have taken on in my life,  I have been forced to go once again beyond my comfort zone.  The first job, motherhood, Girl Scout leader, Sunday school teacher, and my latest shared role having to deal with medical staff during my father's illness and eventual death.  Ready or not, we are all forced to step up and rise to the occasion, no matter what that occasion might be.

And with each step, we learn and grow.

And that's all that matters!




Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Color me Brown!



Brown is the color of hearth and home—of dried herbs and stone-ground bread and freshly baked cookies. It represents all of the nurturing, life-sustaining, down-to-earth qualities of terra firma, the very shade of earth itself. Just as in the sturdy oak, brown represents roots, a steady, stable source of security, comfort, and normalcy.
It is the fertile soil that sustains growth and nourishment; the color of plowed earth, buckskin and rawhide, weathered redwood, bison and mustang, frontier land-rugged and outdoorsy. It is pinecone and bracken, chipmunk and acorn, beaver and doe, and all other manner of woodland inhabitants. Even in its more sumptuous state of fine suede and supple kid leather, brown is considered a classic shade of solid substance.

Even though I love bright colors, I love the warmth of brown!  

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  1.  Coffee
  2.  Halle's nose
  3.  A feather
  4.  Honey roasted cashews (I bet you thought they were donuts!)
  5.  Peppercorns
  6.  A cork on a bottle of wine
  7.  Molasses dripping off of a spoon
  8.  Milk bone dog biscuit
  9.  A woven basket
10.  A dried leaf

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

My Happy Place

Have you ever been in a yoga or meditation class where you are instructed to close your eyes, relax, and in your mind go to your "happy place"?  A place where you can totally let go of the world and find calm and peace?  A place where all is well?  I inevitably go to the same place every time.

Growing up in Burlington, Vermont was ideal for me.  Even though it was the largest "city" in Vermont, it was safe for school children to walk the streets alone, even at a pretty young age.  From the time I was in kindergarten,  I walked to school alone.  We rode our bikes on sidewalks all over the city alone.  We walked downtown alone.  Basically,  we had freedom from our parents long before kids do nowadays.  If we wanted to go somewhere,  we didn't need to ask for a ride.  We just walked or rode bikes.

This made it easy for me to "get away" from it all whenever I felt the need.  And what could be more convenient than a beautiful lake just a few blocks away!

Rather than going to the busy waterfront,  I would always go this quieter spot.  We used to call it "Cliffside" but now it has been officially named Oakledge Park.  There was a small beach, but mainly there were a lot of large rocks on which to sit and contemplate.  It was easy to find a place of your own  to sit or lay, listen to the waves lapping against the rocks, sleep, read, do homework.  During the day,  the sun warmed you and the rocks.  In the evening, the sunset mesmerized you as you gazed across the lake at the Adirondack mountains.

I couldn't even begin to count the hours I have spent in this spot,  my "happy place".  I have always been a lover of solitude.  I enjoy my own company, not feeling the need to constantly be surrounded by people.   What better place is there to be alone with my thoughts than this?

After moving away to Connecticut after college,  I never really found another "happy place" quite like this one.  I would visit it almost every time I went home, but rarely was I alone anymore.

 I introduced Vance to this place early on in our relationship and we would come here together,  but I knew it didn't have the same meaning to him.  He is not the type to sit and "contemplate".

When the kids were young, they loved to come here and climb on the rocks.

They were always happy here.






When their cousins visited from Alaska,  my sister and I brought them here to swim.




And after my father's funeral, guess where my sister and I went with all of the kids?

 It was a cold, bleak day, but it still brought a feeling of warmth and peace to all of us.




I know that as long as I live, this beautiful spot will always be a source of peace, calm, and healing.

Everyone needs a "happy spot".

Do you have one?  If so,  I would love to hear about it.
Please leave a comment in the comment section.

***I changed the blog settings so anyone can comment.  Give it a try!

Monday, March 28, 2011

Color me White!


White. The purest of the pure. White is unsullied, divine, pristine.
There is an innocence to white, a christening-dress kind of chasteness, an unsullied childlike naivete. It is traditionally the color of babies or brides. White can mean complete and absolute minimilism "whiting out" the environment so that there is a totally blank canvas. In pigment or dye form, white is referred to as achromatic, which literally means "without color." But if we think in terms of light, white contains all color.

White is fabulous!  It is so clean looking!  And it makes a great backdrop for color!

I bet you can't guess all of these "white" pictures!  


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1.  A nonpareil candy
2.  The cutting edge of a tape dispenser
3.  An emory board
4.  Paper towel
5.  Sea salt (unground)
6.  A fat globule in meat juice
7.  Queen Ann's Lace
8.  The cord on a window shade

Sunday, March 27, 2011

Color me Red!




Throughout history, red has signaled excitement, dynamism, danger and sex. It elicits the strongest of emotions in every culture: love and the pulsating heart; anarchy and the waving war banner; Satan and the martyred saint. It is the color of life and the color of evil, the color of danger and the color of excitement. Red's message is ardent and impassioned, never insipid. From the gentlest of shell pink to the deepest vibrant ruby red; at its warmest, it's romantic or passionate, at its coolest, it's mature, authoritative, regal. Red is commanding, whatever its shade. 


I love the color red!  It just pops right out at you and catches your eye wherever you are!  Here are some "red" things I found around my house this week.


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1.  A red geranium in my kitchen
2.  Bodum cookie jar
3.  Red line on a golf ball
4.  Strawberry
5.  Tomatoes
6.  Red felt on piano on top of the keys
7.  Red mug handle
8.  Close-up of a gerbera daisy
9.  Bicycle lock