For the first 50 years of my life, my perfectionist self mistakenly believed it was all about knowing more, getting it right, planning, attempting to prevent bad things from happening, and keeping all of my chicks in a row. It took me this long to discover that the JOURNEY is all that matters. This quote from Gilda Radner sums it all up:

"I wanted a perfect ending. Now I've learned, the hard way, that some poems don't rhyme, and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what's going to happen next.

Tuesday, July 12, 2016

I Feel Their Pain

As a mother of 3 adult children,  I remember well the years when they were little.  No day was uneventful.  Emotions and moods could change quickly and often back then - often determined by how tired they were.   As they grew into adulthood, I was just as aware of their changes in mood, however the reasons  became less and less apparent to me.  Sometimes they were willing to share, and sometimes, as is natural, they kept those reasons to themselves.  Their emotions inevitably become more complex and wide-ranging too.

As a mother, I have felt every scrape of the knee, disappointment, illness, and heartache my children have endured.  If one of them is sad, hurt, or unhappy, then, at some level, so am I.  This continues now as they have grown into young adults, and I expect it will continue forever to some extent.  We are inextricably bound one to the other.

Even when my kids are not living at home with me,  I am constantly able to see them in pictures on social media or in the many text messages that get sent in my family.

Seeing their happy smiles in the photos reassures me
of their happiness and well-being.

But when I see these photos,  I don't just take them at face value.

I often try to see beneath the surface to how they are really doing.

Since they only reveal what they want us to see,  and tell
us selectively what is going on in their lives,
it often becomes like a puzzle.  

We listen. We observe. 
But then we feel.
It's almost as if the umbilical cord, far from being
severed at birth, continues the flow of emotions 
from mother to child and back again.

We know something is up before we know what it is.
Mother's intuition.

When we finally discover the reason for our
feelings (sometimes we never do),
it all makes sense and we can release that
nagging unexplained worry.

Not too far from childhood, my adult children have 
and continue to go through
difficult times, unsure of themselves and their futures.

Just as when they were little and scraped their knees,
I continue to feel their pain.
But I don't always know the right answers 
or possess the tools to make them feel better.

Thursday, July 7, 2016

Another Birthday for Kerry!

This beautiful girl is my daughter, Kerry.
She turned 24 years old today.

I love this girl more than words can express.

One of the qualities I am most proud of in my children
is that they are really GOOD people.

Kerry is a GOOD person.
She's a good daughter, sister, co-worker, cousin, roommate,
 niece, mother (to Fletcher), nurse...

Anyone in Kerry's life probably knows this already.

Generous, loyal, caring, steadfast, kind, considerate.

Smart, capable, unassuming.

Determined, competitive, tenacious.

Joyful, funny, entertaining.

Strong, sensitive, loving.

Happy Birthday, Kerry!

Love, Mom