For the first 50 years of my life, my perfectionist self mistakenly believed it was all about knowing more, getting it right, planning, attempting to prevent bad things from happening, and keeping all of my chicks in a row. It took me this long to discover that the JOURNEY is all that matters. This quote from Gilda Radner sums it all up:

"I wanted a perfect ending. Now I've learned, the hard way, that some poems don't rhyme, and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what's going to happen next.
"


Sunday, September 25, 2011

When Did you Realize You Were an Adult?

As we are growing up, we look forward to the time when we will be an adult.   In our minds, we picture just when that time will be.  Maybe when we get our driver's license!  Or our first job!  Or .....

I guess it's different for everybody. 

For sure, when you turn 18 you are getting close, right?

I have been thinking about this question lately, and after 52 years of growing, I now know exactly when I realized I was an adult.

It wasn't when I graduated from high school...

I wasn't even close to feeling like an adult back then.



Was it when I graduated from college?

No, but I felt I was getting close!

It wasn't when I got my first apartment...


It wasn't when I met the man I knew I would marry...

It wasn't even when we bought our first house...


You would think I would have felt like an adult when I had children and all the responsibilities that go with that that role...

But no.  I kind of felt like I was playing house.  I wasn't really an adult yet.

I remember wondering when I would stop feeling like a kid. 

When would I finally feel like I was all grown up?

When my mom was at the end of her life after her cancer diagnosis, I still felt like a kid.
My dad was still in charge.

I started to feel growing pains after my mom died. 
I felt like my father needed me. 

For the first time, he wasn't my tower of strength.
For the first time in my life, I felt as if I needed to carry him.
Our roles were reversing.

When my dad had his stroke and was in the hospital, I really felt like my childhood was ending.
It was a scary thing.
My tower of strength, wisdom, and stability had fallen.



But I held onto a glimmer of hope that he would stand tall once again.


But that was not meant to be.

I know the exact moment I realized I was an adult.

It was the moment I was no longer anyone's child.




1 comment:

  1. very touching post. i do still feel like i am playing house. I hope i continue to play house for quite a while :)

    ReplyDelete