For the first 50 years of my life, my perfectionist self mistakenly believed it was all about knowing more, getting it right, planning, attempting to prevent bad things from happening, and keeping all of my chicks in a row. It took me this long to discover that the JOURNEY is all that matters. This quote from Gilda Radner sums it all up:

"I wanted a perfect ending. Now I've learned, the hard way, that some poems don't rhyme, and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what's going to happen next.
"


Monday, September 12, 2011

Don't Take Any Wooden Nickels

My kids take great pleasure whenever I don't understand the lingo of their world.  Their faces were glowing when I didn't know what MILF meant, and thought it especially funny when I teased them and said I was a MILF!

On another occasion,  I told them to keep some information on the QT.  They had never heard that expression and assumed I meant to say "keep it on the DL" but got the letters wrong.  I had to explain that both expressions mean the same thing. Back in my day "QT" stood for "quiet".

This got me thinking about all of the other expressions that were common in my family when I was growing up.

A little background on my family would probably be helpful before I continue.

My mother grew up in an Irish family with 4 brothers and one sister.  They say the Irish are blessed with the "gift of gab" and storytelling.  I can vouch for that.

My mother had quite a variety of expressions.  Every now and then, I will use one of them without thinking and I surprise myself!

Here are just a few of hers that I remember:


Don't take any wooden nickels              
Be careful, don't fall for anyone's tricks

You lie like a rug                                        
You are a liar

His name will be mud                                
He will have a bad name, bad reputation

I am going to lay him out in lavender        
I am going to give him a piece of my mind

Every Tom, Dick, and Harry will be there 
A lot of people will be there

He doesn't have a pot to piss in                
He doesn't have much money

You will have to pay through the nose      
It will cost you a lot of money

You are up the creek (without the paddle)
You are doomed

The car was coming like a bat out of hell   
The car was coming fast

My uncles also had a very unique way of talking.  Not too many sentences went by without swear words.  Hell, damn, ass, sonofabitch were used in everyday speech and just rolled off their tongues.  I think "shit" was the most used of all, though.  My guess is that they picked a lot of it up when they served in WWII.

It amazes me how we (the kids) would hear these expressions so often, but know we weren't supposed to say them ourselves.

There are endless variations, but I will try to give you the gist of it:

No shit!                                                     
That's unbelievable! I didn't know that!

He was happy as a pig in shit                   
He was very happy

He doesn't know shit from shinola           
He doesn't know anything
(shinola was brown shoe polish!)

He doesn't know his ass from a hole in the ground
He doesn't know anything

He doesn't know his ass from his elbow  
He doesn't know anything

The shit will hit the fan
Bad things will happen

Shit or get off the pot
Hurry up

He had a shit-eating grin
He had a big smile

You are in deep shit
You are in a lot of trouble

He was scared shitless
He was extremely afraid

You are on my shit list
I am mad at you

I don't give a shit
I don't care

You are full of shit
You are wrong

That sonofabitch is a hell of a nice guy.
He is a very nice man

It was snowing like a sonofabitch!
It was really coming down!

Sonofabitch!
Wow!

And they never said Mr. or Mrs.  It was always "old man _____' or "old lady ________".

Not to be confused with "the old boy" which was my grandfather.

In comparison, my father hardly ever swore.  My mother, however, had her moments!

In later years, she and my father would play rummy every night.  Whenever my mom was waiting for my father to discard a particular card that she needed, and he didn't give her anything good to use, she would always say

"Frank, you wouldn't give your shit to the crows!"

That makes me smile!



















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