For the first 50 years of my life, my perfectionist self mistakenly believed it was all about knowing more, getting it right, planning, attempting to prevent bad things from happening, and keeping all of my chicks in a row. It took me this long to discover that the JOURNEY is all that matters. This quote from Gilda Radner sums it all up:

"I wanted a perfect ending. Now I've learned, the hard way, that some poems don't rhyme, and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what's going to happen next.
"


Wednesday, January 27, 2016

My Favorite Child

My favorite flavor of ice cream is chocolate.
My favorite thing to look at is the sky.
My favorite fruit is green grapes.
My favorite time of year is the fall.
My favorite child is... 
well, let me think about it for a moment.


I have three options to pick from.






Is my favorite child Adam?


Firstborns are always extra special, right?
Especially since he is my only son!


Adam is calm, steady, and even-tempered.


We both love to experience new places.


He is helpful and very considerate.
He has a very big heart.
He reminds me so much of my father!


Adam is a lifelong learner - something I strongly identify with.
On top of that, he's creative too.


 Isn't it obvious in this picture that he's my favorite? Right?

Or is Kerry my favorite?


We are both very shy and wary of new situations.


We are both nurturing and caring.

She has a great sense of humor and loves
to make people laugh.


We both love all things Vermont. 


She's good at figuring things out and
has many creative ideas.


How could Kerry not be my favorite??

But there's one more to consider.  Annie.


When she was young, I got to spend a lot of alone time
with her while Adam and Kerry were at school.


She was everything I wasn't as a child.
Confident, outgoing, fearless.  I was in awe.


We both like to dress up and look pretty - 
clothes, makeup, nail polish.


She loves to have her picture taken, and loves to take
selfies with me.  By the sheer volume of
mother/daughter photos on Facebook and Instagram
everyone must suspect that Annie's my favorite.


We have great conversations about life
and I think we really "get" each other.
Annie's the only one of my kids that will sing with me in the car too!


Anyone can see that my favorite must be Annie!

Adam.  Kerry.  Annie.

I wonder who they think is the favorite?
Does any one them secretly feel like the top dog?
Does any one of them feel second best,  or worst,  at the bottom
of the barrel in the favoritism department?

If I've done my job,
I haven't given them the slightest clue
who my favorite child is.

In fact, I don't know the answer myself.

I see so many aspects of myself in each of them.
They each make me happy in different ways.
They each tug at my heart for different reasons.

If I was in front of a firing squad
and was told my life would be spared
if I named my favorite child,
I could not do it.

It's impossible.

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