For the first 50 years of my life, my perfectionist self mistakenly believed it was all about knowing more, getting it right, planning, attempting to prevent bad things from happening, and keeping all of my chicks in a row. It took me this long to discover that the JOURNEY is all that matters. This quote from Gilda Radner sums it all up:

"I wanted a perfect ending. Now I've learned, the hard way, that some poems don't rhyme, and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what's going to happen next.
"


Thursday, May 31, 2012

The Third Time Around

"Adam, you need more sleep."
"Adam, you have too much on your plate."
"Adam, don't call me Gayle."
"Adam, if you don't wake up to your alarm, I'm NOT waking you up anymore.  You are overtired."
"Adam, I think we should visit more colleges."
"Adam, do you think you need a SAT prep course?"
"Adam, you cannot drive kids to the beach after prom."


"Annie, wow, you finished your paper and still got an hour of sleep?  Good job!"
"Where is Annie? Did she tell any one where she was going?"
"It's 11PM and Annie's not home yet.  She was supposed to be home an
   hour ago.  What shall I have for a snack before bed?"
"I wonder if Annie ever signed up to take the SAT?"
"Prep course?  You don't want to do that!"
"Let us know if you want to visit any more colleges"


How things change from the first child to the third!

When Adam was in high school, I used to take my job a lot more seriously!
I used to lay awake at night rehashing arguments.
I would worry about how he would survive when he went to college!
I would feel guilty when I made parental demands.
I would worry that he was too stressed out.
I would worry if I was a good parent.
I would be bothered when he didn't speak to me.

Annie is now ending her Junior year of high school.
I don't worry half as much about her as I did about Adam.

I sleep really well every night - maybe because I don't wake up in time to even know if she overslept!

I know she'll be fine when she gets to college.  After all, I hear she can't wait until she's 5 hours away!

I hear she can't wait to be 5 hours away, and it doesn't bother me one bit.  It's a little funny, actually.

When she's moody (almost every day) I know it's because she's not getting enough sleep.

It's like a game, guessing which Annie will come home from school each day!

When I get fed up with Annie not using her phone to let me know when her plans
change, I put my foot down and never think twice about it.

When she argues that she told me and I must have forgotten,  I realize she has been using that excuse WAY TO OFTEN lately and I KNOW I am not that forgetful!  Even if I did forget, I figure it's her job to make me remember.  Write me a note or something!

It's funny when the first words she's spoken to me in a week are
"You went to JCrew without me!"

We are constantly changing, evolving, learning from our past mistakes.  I have now seen Adam grow out of childhood and know he appreciates us and doesn't hold a grudge about all we did to him in his high school years.  And I know when they have a few kids of their own,  they will do the same things we did.  Worry, try to fix things for them, aggravate their kids, get angry, put their foot down.

That's just the way it is.

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