For the first 50 years of my life, my perfectionist self mistakenly believed it was all about knowing more, getting it right, planning, attempting to prevent bad things from happening, and keeping all of my chicks in a row. It took me this long to discover that the JOURNEY is all that matters. This quote from Gilda Radner sums it all up:

"I wanted a perfect ending. Now I've learned, the hard way, that some poems don't rhyme, and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what's going to happen next.
"


Sunday, May 22, 2011

Am I Ready (or not?)

I know myself very well.
I guess it comes from so many years of being me.

If I had to tell you my best and worst traits,
they would be one and the same.

I am a perfectionist.

Perfectionism has worked well for me in many ways. 
I did extremely well in school, especially in math.
My attention to detail and need to get things 100% right were great attributes during my career as a computer programmer.

But more often than not,  my fear of "not being perfect" has deterred me from trying new things in life.
I don't like this about myself.  In fact, I hate it. 


Lately, I have been in conflict with myself once again.

Entering what I think of as the 2nd phase of my life,  I know I want to do something with photography.  It has been a love of mine since I was a child.  More than anything else,  I love taking pictures of people.

Two years ago I purchased a really nice camera and really nice lenses.  For the past two years I have been taking courses and practicing.  I have become very good at portrait retouching, realizing that less is more.
I have photographed quite a few people, each time learning something new.

I am happy with my progress.

My goal?  I'd like to become a professional photographer of some sort.
Why?  Because I love trying to capture the "beauty" of people.

















I have learned so much about photography since I bought my first camera back in high school, but have I learned enough to expect people to pay me for my services?

It's easy to take pictures when it is just for fun.

BUT...

Do I know enough?  There will always be more to learn.
Am I good enough?   There will always be those who are better than me.
Am I ready?  Sometimes I believe I am, and sometimes those old perfectionist doubts come creeping into my head!

I am trying hard to push those doubts aside.

I really am!

But old habits die hard.







1 comment:

  1. Yes. You are ready. You're a fantastic photographer and shouldn't let another day go by filled with self-doubt.

    ReplyDelete