Savoring Christmas

Acclaimed French photographer Marc Riboud says, 

“Photography is about savoring life at 1/100th of a second.”

This blog is about savoring Christmas 2011
                at 1/100th of a second! 

I am really into wool felt this year.
I had so much fun sewing new stockings for all of us!

 Then I put my dogs' fur to good use.
I combined their fur with colored wool
that I purchased at the craft store to make
a garland of felted balls.

 These are the balls before they went through the
washer and dryer.

These are the felted balls strung into a garland.
Halle and Sami's fur if the brown/tan color.

I also made a runner for my table using medallions of
birch that I cut from the trees that fell during last month's 
storm.

My family spent a quiet Christmas Eve alone at home
opening gifts from our stockings.

 After we finished,
 Annie fell asleep on the dog bed with Maddie...

On Christmas morning, I couldn't wait to open 
the gift Kerry made for me.   She stayed up
until 4AM on Christmas morning to finish it!

 It was a beautiful glass vase filled with delicate
origami flowers.  Each flower was made from
five folded origami folders.

 So colorful and pretty!  Perfect for my desk!

 

 

 After opening gifts on Christmas morning, 

we headed to NJ to visit Vance's relatives.

The favorite gift for the 2 little girls there

was a make-up/beauty kit.

Adam was one of the first to get

a make-over!

 But before long, everyone was looking
                   BEAUTIFUL!

We don't get a chance to be around little

girls much anymore, so this was a treat!

One more stop before heading back home!

We stopped in to see our friends from

Lake George, Linda and George and their

children, Matthew and Zachary.

But first, we had to don our ugly Christmas sweaters.

Adam and Annie bought sweaters from Goodwill

and jazzed them up to make them ugly!

Then lunch and a few games of xbox.

I hope your Christmas was as fun as ours!

Thank You, Berra!

For the past few days I have been coming up blank as I've been trying to come up with an idea for a blog about Christmas.  I've had many ideas go through my head, but nothing that I felt was right.

Until this morning.

 I was watching a talk show on TV about great children's books for Christmas when I found it.

Let's back up a little.

My 19 year old daughter Kerry has been holed up in her room since I picked her up from college a week ago.

What has she been doing?

She's been making my Christmas gift!

Every day she comes downstairs and comments on how it's coming.

Sometimes she seems excited about her creation.

Other times she seems discouraged, and tells me not to get my hopes up.

Annie told me there's no way she can come up with a better idea than Kerry.

Then, this morning, I heard about a children's book called Thank You, Bear.

Early one morning, a little bear found a little box.

He looked inside. Then he exclaimed,

“Why, it's the greatest thing ever! Mouse will love this.”

Bear's friends aren't so sure of his newfound treasure, however. “That's not so great,” says Monkey. “I've seen those before,” says Owl.

  You can see, through Bear's face and posture, that he was becoming discouraged by his friend's words. We all can relate to Bear as he sits wondering if his treasure is so great after all.

  

 But Mouse has the last say.  

 Mouse looked at it this way and that.

Then Mouse crawled inside the empty box 

and said,

"It's the greatest thing ever!"

“Thank you, Bear.”

There is a simple, powerful message in this story.

"It's all in how you look at it."

So as Christmas approaches, I can't wait to see the treasure that Kerry has for me!

But no matter what it is,  I'm sure I will love it!

I already know what the beauty of the gift really is.

By the way, our nickname for Kerry has always been "Berra".

Thank you, Berra!

 

The INs and OUTs of Innies and Outies (Part 3)

In the book, The Introvert Advantage,  Marti Olsen Laney explains the differences between introverts and extroverts. Her research is valuable because it helps us to understand each other and lifts the shame of being an introvert.

The strongest difference between innies and outies lies in their energy source.

Extroverts are energized by the external world - by activities, people, places, and things.  They are like solar panels.  Solar panels need the sun to recharge, just as extroverts refuel by being out and about with many people, activities, and stimulation.

Introverts draw energy from their internal world of ideas, emotions, and  impressions.  They are like a rechargeable battery.  They need to stop expending energy and rest in order to recharge.  A less stimulating environment restores their energy.

What's important to know is 

you cannot change what you are. 

Introversion/extroversion is hard-wired.
Their brains are different.
It cannot be changed.
But we can learn to work with it.

Extroverts like to experience a lot.
Introverts like to know a lot about what they experience.

Extroverts like breadth - lots of friends, experiences, knowing a little bit about everything.  Life is about collecting experiences.  At a party, an extrovert will flit around and catch highlights from each conversation, not wanting to miss out on anything.

Introverts like depth.  They will limit their experiences but feel each of them deeply.  They have fewer friends but more intimacy.  Their mind absorbs information, reflects on it, expands it, mulls it over.  At a party, an introvert does not enjoy idle chit-chat.  They are more content to be in a deep, meaningful conversation with one or two people.

Extroverts think and talk all at the same time. It's effortless to them.  In fact, things become clearer as they speak out loud.

Introverts, on the other hand, need time to think and don't speak with spontaneity unless it's a familiar subject.  They don't talk for talk's sake.  They need to formulate their thoughts before they speak.

There is actually a gene (D4DR gene), or the "novelty seeking gene" that has been studied extensively.  This gene affects the neurotransmitter dopamine, which controls excitement levels and motivation.

Those with a long D4DR genes are less sensitive to dopamine, therefore needing to experience more of life's thrills to produce higher levels of dopamine in order to feel happy.  They can't stand repetitive experiences or routine work. They can be impulsive and temperamental.  They are fast talkers and persuaders. They are willing to take risks to gain rewards.

Those with short D4DR genes are more sensitive to dopamine. They receive enough dopamine in quiet activities that they don't need as much "buzz" in their lives to feel happy.  They feel more discomfort than enjoyment from thrill seeking or risk taking.  Orderly and cautious, they enjoy the comfort of routine and the familiar.  The like to see the big picture before plunging ahead.  They focus well on long-term projects.  They are even tempered, good listeners, and loyal.

 ************************************************

Why do introverts feel like they are flawed?

Think about it.
Our culture values and rewards the qualities of extroverts.
We value action, speed, competition and drive.
Talkers are perceived as influential and become role models.
Introverts are outnumbered 3 to 1.
They feel pressure to "shape-up" and act like the rest of the world.

Take a look at the following definitions in the dictionary.
It is obvious that there is a negative stigma associated with
introverts.

Introvert:  a personality trait characterized by preoccupation
                 with the self, lack of sociability,
                 passiveness.  A brooder, egoist, narcissist, loner.

Extrovert:  marked by obtaining gratification from what
                   is outside the self, friendly, uninhibited.
                   Social, a man of action.

************************************************

Contrary to  popular belief, many public personalities
are introverts. 

Diane Sawyer
Abraham Lincoln
Michael Jordan
Bill Gates
Harrison Ford
Julia Roberts
Tom Hanks
JK Rowling
Steve Martin
Thomas Edison
Clint Eastwood

*****************************************

I could go on and on about this book.

It has changed the way I view myself.
I finally understand myself.
I finally know that I am not flawed.

This book is so valuable -

It's valuable to help parents understand their children.
It's valuable for teachers to undertand their students.
It's valuable for spouses to understand each other.
It's valuable for everyone to undertand each other.

Most of all, it gives introverts insight into their own selves.
It offers strategies on how to live in an extrovert world.

Pick up a copy.
You won't regret it!



          

Confessions of an Introvert (Part 2)

All of my life I have felt flawed.

I remember my grammar school days.  

I would get all "A"s on my report card,

but the comment would say:

Gayle needs to come out of her shell.

I didn't like being the center of attention.

I just wanted to blend in.

Most of my friends were like me.

Except one - Jeanne Morrissey.

She could talk to anyone.

She wasn't afraid to do anything.

Frankly, I could never understand why 

she wanted to be my friend.

I have always loved solitary activities.

Reading, puzzles, knitting, embroidery...

While I love spending time with my close friends,

I have never minded being alone.

I remember spending hours one summer day as a teenager

sitting on the grass in my back yard drawing my foot.

And having a marvelous time!

As a teen growing up in Burlington, Vermont,

I would ride my bike to the lake.

I would sit on the rocks and think, and dream.

In high school, I could probably count on one

hand the number of times I participated in a 

discussion.  

I would feel bad about myself.

Laying in bed at night I could come up with so many

things I could have contributed to the discussion.

I vowed to say them the next day.

I was prepared.

But the next day the teacher was on to another topic.

My focus in college was to change.  To better myself.

Nobody knew me.  I could become a different person.

I needed to fix my one big flaw!

Alcohol helped. 

After a few screwdrivers, heck, I could talk to anyone!

I didn't mind going out on dates.

I enjoyed one on one conversations.

In fact, one on one I am very likeable.

 

After college, I went on to get a job in computer programming.

I was very good at my job.

It required a lot of alone time, reading through

code to understand what the program was trying to

accomplish, writing code to make it do 

what you wanted it to do.

It was a great job for me.  

I met my husband at work.

He was one of those people who could talk to anyone.

 

I remember writing thank you notes after our wedding.

It would take me so long to write each card.

I would agonize over the perfect wording.

Vance would write 10 in the time I wrote one.

When reading something together, I was amazed at how fast

Vance could get through a page.  It took me twice as long.

My husband knows I have a hard time when I'm in a large 

group of people I don't know.  

I don't think he understands.

I think he feels like I don't try hard enough to be social.

It just comes so easy for him.

When I had children, I was determined that they would not 

have to live a life of shame like I did.  I felt that if my 

mother had just pushed me a little harder when I was young, 

I could have gotten over it and been more outgoing.   

Yet as I watched the pain in Adam's eyes when he told me 

he wanted to quit soccer in 4th grade,  I remembered how 

I felt as a child and knew that pushing was the 

wrong thing to do.

 

All my life I have felt I was lacking in social skills that
seemed to come naturally to the rest of the world.
I have pushed myself to be more like everyone else.
At times I feel I've made progress.
At other times I feel it's like trying to put a square peg
in a round hole.

But this book has made a difference.
I finally understand myself.
I finally understand others.
I'm not lacking or flawed.
There's a reason I am the way I am.
And I am not alone.

I'll tell you all about it in Part 3.

Innie or Outie? (Part1)

I'm reading a very enlightening book called
The Introvert Advantage - How to thrive in an extrovert world
by Marti Olsen Laney.

Before I tell you about the book, I'd like you to answer a
self-assessment so you can determine if you are an
introvert, an extrovert, or somewhere in between.

All you have to do is answer the questions (True or False)
and count the number of TRUE answers.

  1.  When I need to rest, I prefer to spend time alone or
       with one or two close people rather than a group.

  2.  When I work on projects, I like to have larger
      uninterrupted time periods rather than smaller chunks.

  3.  I sometime rehearse things before speaking, occasionally
      writing notes for myself.

  4.  In general, I like to listen more than I like to talk.

  5.  People sometimes think I'm quiet, aloof, or calm.

  6.  I like to share special occasions with just one person
     or a few close friends rather than have big celebrations.

  7.  I usually need to think before I respond or speak.

  8.  I tend to notice details many people don't see.

  9.  If two people have just had a fight, I feel the tension
       in the air.

10.  If I say I will do something, I almost always do it.

11.  I feel anxious if I have a deadline or pressure to
       finish a project.

12.  I can "zone out" if too much is going on.

13.  I like to watch an activity for a while before I decide
       to join in.

14.  I form lasting relationships.

15.  I don't like to interrupt others, and I don't like to be
       interrupted.

16.  When I take in lots of information, it takes me awhile
        to sort it out.

17.  I don't like overstimulating environments. I can't imagine
       why folks want to go to horror movies
       or ride roller coasters.

18.  I sometimes have strong reactions to smells, tastes,
       foods, weather, noises, etc.

19.  I am creative and/or imaginative.

20.  I feel drained after social situations, even when I
       enjoy myself.

21.  I prefer to be introduced rather than to introduce.

22.  I can become grouchy if I'm around people or activities
       too long.

23.  I often feel uncomfortable in new surroundings.

24.  I like people to come to my home, but I don't like them
       to stay too long.

25.  I often dread returning phone calls.

26.  I find my mind sometimes goes blank when I meet
       people or when I am asked to speak unexpectedly.


27.  I talk slowly or have gaps in my words, especially
       if I am tired or if I am trying to speak and think at once.

28.  I don't think of casual acquaintances as friends.

29.  I feel as if I can't show other people my work or ideas
       until they are fully formulated.


30.  Other people may surprise me by thinking I am smarted
        than I think I am.


Count the number of times you answered TRUE.


  20-29 True:  You are pretty darn introverted.

  10-19 True:  You are somewhere in the middle. You are both
                       introverted and extroverted.

    1 - 9 True:  You are more extroverted.

I'll explain more about what this means in the next blog,
but I think it would be fun for you to leave me a comment
and let me know your score!

FYI  - I scored 27!

Message from Meredith

 During the opening and closing of every Grey's Anatomy episode, Meredith Grey voices her thoughts on a specific life topic.  I ALWAYS listen very closely because it never fails to stir something inside me.  I always find personal truth in what she says.  It reminds me how much alike we all are.

Meredith Grey (opening):

You know how when you were a little kid, and you believed in fairy tales? That fantasy of what your life would be. White dress, Prince Charming, who’d carry you away to a castle on a hill. You’d lie in bed at night and close your eyes, and you had complete and utter faith.

Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, Prince Charming, they were so close, you could taste them. But eventually, you grow up. One day you open your eyes, and the fairy tale disappears. Most people, turn to the things and people they can trust.

But the thing is… it’s hard to let go of that fairy tale entirely. Because almost everyone still has that smallest bit of hope, of faith, that one day they’ll open their eyes, and it will all come true.

Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, the Tooth Fairy.  
My kids believed in them all. 

As a parent, it was so much fun playing along.

The carrots on the roof for the reindeer.
The cookies and milk left out for Santa.
Taking bites out of the cookies and dumping the milk back into the jug after they went to bed.
Taking soot out of the fireplace and putting in on the hearth.
Writing notes from Santa back to the kids with my left hand.
Standing in long lines at the mall to see Santa (not so much fun!)
Buying different wrapping paper for the gifts from Santa.


I always wondered every year if they still "believed".
I would watch their faces and listened to their words, trying to detect clues of doubt.


By 5th grade, I feared Adam would be the butt of jokes at school if he talked about Santa, so I decided it was time to talk to him.


I felt it was important to tell him in a way that would not make him feel stupid.  


Instead of telling him Santa was not real - that it was all a lie - I told him that Santa is the magic of the Christmas season.  
Santa represents the spirit of goodness,
                             the faith,
                             the joy,
                             the generosity,
                                        the hope - 
everything that you really look forward to at Christmas time.
Children need something more concrete to believe in until the time they can understand the real meaning of Santa.

He understood, and he was more than happy to be a part of keeping the secret for his sisters until they were ready to know the real meaning of 
Santa. 

Meredith Grey (closing):

At the end of the day, faith is a funny thing. It turns up when you don’t really expect it. It’s like, one day you realize that the fairy tale may be slightly different than you dreamed.

The castle… well, it may not be a castle. And, it’s not so important that it’s happy ever after. Just that it’s happy right now. See, once in a while, once in a blue moon, people will surprise you. And once in a while… people may even take your breath away.