Meet Maddie!

                                               Meet "Maddie". 

Maddie is the newest member of our family.  We already have 2 cats and 2 dogs, along with 3 teen-age children.  Why in the world do we need another cat? 

We don't.  We have plenty of pet hair to vacuum already.  We have plenty of mouths to feed.  Plenty of vet bills.  We ALWAYS have at least one pet sitting next to us on the couch wanting our attention.

But you see,  I have a daughter with a HUGE heart for cats.  She met a 4 year old cat named Dora at the humane society in Burlington, Vermont.  She fell in love with Dora and wanted our family to adopt her.   I made a trip to Burlington on Friday to bring Kerry home for President's Day weekend and she asked me to meet Dora.  BUT,  Dora had been adopted already.  So, to make a long story short, MEET MADDIE!

We got her at the humane society in Springfield, MA on Saturday.

She is part calico and she has such interesting markings, like the ring around the tip of her tail!

             She also has 4 white paws!

Maddie is a bundle of energy!  The kids were young when we got our other 2 cats, and I think they are amazed at how curious and smart she is!

... and how fast she is!

 

... and how nimble she is!

... and how high she can jump!

In her quieter times, she is very sweet with a very loud motor that doesn't quit!

 

The furry members of our family have not officially met her yet, except through a 1 inch crack in the door of Kerry's bedroom.  We are taking it slowly.

Maddie (aka Mad Dawg) has already captured our human hearts!

We didn't NEED another pet.   But we don't always buy things we need.

We sometimes buy things just to make us happy. 

The Gravity of the Situation

I WILL NEVER FORGET IT.



WHEN I SAW IT, I HAD TO STOP AND STARE.



IN ALL OF MY 51 YEARS I HAVE NEVER SEEN ANYTHING SO SCARY.



Ok.  It began as just an ordinary day, no different than any other.

I had taken a shower and was undergoing my daily beauty routine.  Face cream, concealer to hide the dark circles, face powder, eye liner, mascara. 

Time to do my hair.  I take my hair out of the towel on top of my head.

I have NOT been blessed with an abundant head of hair.  On top of that, my hair is very fine and extremely straight.  Over the years I have learned how to MAXimize what hair I do have.

Root lifter, hair styling gel. Dry upside down for volume.

BUT TODAY I DID ONE THING DIFFERENT FROM ALL OTHER DAYS.




While my head was tipped over upside-down, I looked in the mirror.


To this day it sends shivers up and down my spine.

A woman over the age of 50 should NEVER look at herself in the mirror with her head tipped upside-down.  If you're over 50 and you bend over, all 50 years fall with you.  Believe me.  If you are still in your youthful years,  just wait.  Gravity kicks in and every fold of skin that has even thought of becoming a wrinkle suddenly gets its wish!   Steven King may have gotten his inspiration for his last book after doing this himself (although I doubt gravity affects men's faces as much).


I don't recall this happening when I was young.  I could bend over to tie my shoes and my skin pretty much stayed in the same place!  I could look in the mirror upside-down and still know who I was.

But the person I saw that day was unrecognizable.

GRAVITY.

I guess gravity does have its advantages.  After all, it keeps us from falling off the earth into outer space!

What About LOVE?

As I was trying to come up with an idea to blog about for Valentine's Day,  I did a lot of "googling" about love and marriage.  Over and over again,  I found websites devoted to the "stages" of long-term committed relationships.  The number of stages varied from website to website, but they were all basically the same.

Of course, all of this reading prompted me to think about my own relationship with my husband and try to determine what "stages" we have been through and where we are in our "journey" together.

Stage 1.  The Romance Stage

Ok, this one is easy.  The photo above is from a blue fleece robe that I made for Vance for our first Valentine's Day together.  We had been dating for almost a year.  I hand-embroidered the message in the neck of the robe and Vance's initials on the front.

Then I made a gigantic Valentine's Day card, complete with my own poetry on the inside.

In Stage 1, it says "you and your partner have just met and everything is absolutely amazing You can't get enough of each other. Neither of you can do any wrong in the eyes of the other.  The focus of this stage is on COMMONALITIES - you have so many common interests,you could practically be the same person!  You show your partner your absolute best self and you try to  please each other as much as possible."

 "You are happier than you've ever been and you can't imagine ever feeling any differently."

Then comes......

Stage 2. The Disillusionment

"This stage is also known as the Familiarization, or the Adjusting to Reality Phase.  This is where you begin to realize that your partner is actually a human being (horror of horrors!).  You get to know each other more and more and as a result you start to recognize their various flaws and shortcomings.  Your partner's little habits aren't quite as cute as they used to be , but there is still enough goodwill from the Romance phase that you are willing to overlook them."

 

I remember this time well!  We were married and lived in an apartment for less than a year before buying our first house.   The house needed A LOT of work, so our life was not so carefree anymore.  It became obvious while trying to lay our first tile floor in the foyer of our new house that we were very different!

Unfairly, I kind of expected him to be more like my father and just "know" how to do things!

And I'm sure my perfectionism irritated the hell out of Vance!

There were so many other discovered differences too.

But we were united and focused on one thing - we both wanted to start a family.

But the family was not happening.  After an early miscarriage on my first pregnancy,  we did not have a "family" until  8 years after we were married.   We took relaxing trips to white sandy beaches to try to relieve the stress, but we really just wanted a baby!

Stage 3.  The Power Struggle

"At this point, you both still believe that conflict is "bad" thing but you are increasingly aware of your many differences.  This is where it is absolutely necessary to learn to manage your differences effectively - to communicate and work together as a team, even though it's tempting to believe that your partner's sole purpose on earth is to make your life difficult.  Not surprisingly, this is the phase that most couples are in when they decide to break up or file for divorce. " 

So now we have built a new house together, with all of the decisions that come along with that.  We finally have a growing family.  No more romantic vacations, and not enough time in the day to do what needs to be done.  After wanting children for so long, we put our hearts and souls into raising them.
I quit working and became a stay-at-home mom.   The multitude of decisions involved with raising our own children caused conflict between us, no doubt about it.  But the family that we yearned for for so many years was SO important to each of us that we were able to sort things out and understand each others differences and needs. 

"However, if they are able to negotiate all of the landmines during this phase, they'll move on to ..."

 Stage 4.  The Stability Stage

 "Knowing all that they know, coming from reality and not fantasy, there is an open acceptance of the differences in the relationship and they are used as opportunities for learning about oneself and the other person.  They are catalysts for growth and change.  There is recognition that one person cannot change the other.  This begins the process of struggling to create an honest, genuine, intimate relationship."





Stage 5.  The Real Love Stage
 "Also known as the Acceptance phase,  this is the stage when the couple has a clear notion of who their partner is, faults, foibles and weaknesses galore...yet they make a conscious choice to be with this person.  You are no longer with your partner because you need them, but because you've chosen them.  There are few surprises.  You've collaborated to overcome many challenges together, and have grown to accept and support each other without restriction."

We have come a long way together - almost 27 years now.  These years have been so many things - and I wouldn't change any of it!  We have experienced much happiness and many struggles. We have  three children who are beautiful in so many ways.  Life is a journey, and I am so glad I chose Vance to go on that journey with me!

             HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY to everyone!

Pictures NOT Taken

Photographs.  Pictures.  Home videos.

We can't have enough.  We treasure them.

If my house was on fire and I had time to save one non-living thing, I would take my pictures.  They are irreplaceable.

                               We take pictures of happy times.

 We take pictures of out pets.

We take pictures of special occasions.

         We take pictures with those we hold most dear.

              Sometimes, pictures BECOME our memories.
I think I remember this coat and hat and the tulip dress that I wore in these pictures, but I'm sure it's only because I have seen them in the photographs.

All of these pictures have one thing in common - they are pictures of HAPPY times.

We don't take cameras to funerals, for instance. 
We don't take pictures of our loved ones in times of pain or sorrow.
We don't take pictures of family and friends when they are down. 

We don't take pictures of things we don't want to remember.

 I have a ton of pictures of my parents like this... smiling and happy.

 I also have pictures of them that I didn't take.

These pictures are more vivid to me than any printed photograph...
            They exist only in my mind's eye.

If you have ever lost a loved one or witnessed someone dear to you suffer,
            you surely know what I mean.

The pictures NOT taken are the most unforgettable.


           
        

Sweet 16 Today!

At 1:43 AM today,  Annie turned 16 years old!  WOW!  It seems like she was just born yesterday, but it has been 16 YEARS!  If she had been a boy, she would have been named Matthew.   If it had been my decision alone, she would have been named Olivia.  Now I can't picture her as anything but "Annie".

Right from day1, she was loved by her big brother and big sister.

They treated her as a playmate. No matter how little, she was always a part of the action!

                       She smiled early and often!
            Adam and Kerry could always get her to giggle.

Annie was a beautiful, sweet, happy baby.  This was the day of her baptism.

                             She had nice dark hair and dark eyes....

 

I don't think she ever thought of herself as little.  She was just one of the kids.

She loved her bunny "Bun-Bun" almost as much as she loved to suck her thumb.

         She took after Kerry - she loved to ham it up for pictures!
         This was taken on top of the World Trade Center.

Annie was always a "girly" girl and very concious of fashion.

She probably didn't realize it at the time, but her life is was about to change.  On this day, Adam and Kerry were both going off to school and she would be home alone with me all day.   It's funny that this year she saw Adam and Kerry both leave for college and she is home alone again.

Here Annie sits with her cousin, Hali, when we visited Alaska.

 

Annie used to love to fish with her dad, and she won trophies at many fishing derbies.

Her 8th birthday was held at Vernon Lanes.  She is pictured here with Shannon.

 

Burlington is one of Annie's favorite places.   Here she is on the shore of Lake Champlain.

                One of her biggest forms of entertainment
                 is terrorizing "Mr. Wiggles"!

                    Annie used to want to be a ballerina...

                       ..... until she discovered music!

Annie has been a joy to her Dad and I since the day she was born.  She has a very optimistic view of life and is very warm-hearted, outgoing and friendly.   When the chips are down,  she is able to persevere.   Her confidence in herself has always amazed us.   We are so proud of her accomplishments in school, music, sports, and life!  HAPPY BIRTHDAY, ANNIE!  We love you!