It's OK to be Sad

One week from today, we'll be in Burlington, Vermont for my daughter Kerry's graduation from the University of Vermont. I know she's been getting sad about leaving Burlington, UVM, and especially all of her friends and the life she has built there.  I read a link on Facebook this morning which described what she and other graduates must be feeling.

This is a link to the entire post, but I will be quoting from sections of it from this point on.  I couldn't possibly say it more eloquently or beautifully!

"Others think the reason graduation is going to be so hard for you is that for the first time in your life, you don’t know what’s next. And you’re scared. You have to start over. "

"You knew you’d have to get a job someday. And you knew that getting a job might be really, really hard."

"What you weren’t prepared for was this unshakable feeling that you don’t belong anywhere. At some point in the past four years, while you were busy giggling from exhaustion as you and your best friends ordered pizza to the library at 2am, this place became your home."

"Not just because you live here, but because every corner of campus has a different memory attached to it. But mostly because the people here –the faces you see every day– make you feel absolutely at peace. And you’re just now realizing that when you cross that graduation stage, you’re not just leaving your home. It ceases to exist."

"The people you know are leaving. Your friends. Your roommates. The acquaintances you are stoked to see at the bar.  The familiar faces of random people on the way to class. Everyone who made this place home. "

"They won’t be here anymore. The storefronts will change. New restaurants will open. New buildings will go up. And a fresh new batch of students will arrive. Your home is constantly changing. You can never go back to it, just as it was."

"Your friends will move to different places."

"Some will move back home. Some will move to new and exciting cities. Some will be just an hour away. Some will be a flight away."

"But you know for certain that it will never be the same. You’ll never all live in the same place again."

"For the rest of your life, you’ll have to travel further than across the hall to see the people you call family. You’ll have get togethers, and brunches, and weekend getaways, but you can never go back “home.”

"And that leaves you feeling…kind of homeless."

"You know it will get better. You know you’ll eventually be happy in your new life. You’ll have close friendships and relationships. You’ll get that dream job. And you’ll fall in love. And even though it seems impossible, you know you’ll find a new home some day."

"But that doesn’t make it better. That almost makes it worse."

 "It scares you. It scares you, because you’ll miss your life so much it hurts. "

"There’s nothing anyone can say to make that feeling go away. And it’s okay to be sad."

"It feels truly unfair –cruel, even– that you were given the most amazing experience of your life, just to have it taken all away."

"I know it’s hard. I know it hurts, but remember this: you are one of the lucky ones. "

"You were lucky enough to have something in your life that was wonderful enough to make it this difficult to leave it behind."

Kerry's First Job

Kerry has a job! 

Kerry will be graduating in May from the University of Vermont School of Nursing.  
She has been in the process of finding a job for the past few months.

In March,  I went with Kerry to Nashville where she had an interview with

Vanderbilt University Medical Center.

While we were there, we had 1/2 day to do some touristy things.

After checking into the hotel, we had lunch at Jimmy Buffett's Margaritaville.
We were greeted at the door by this very TALL girl (on stilts) with a hearty  
"How y'all doin today?"

We were seated and ordered drinks and lunch.

While we were waiting for our food, the TALL girl was talking to the women at the table next to us.  We overheard her saying she was from St. Albans. 
We wondered if there was a St. Albans in TN as well as in VT.
We joined in the conversation and discovered the TALL girl was actually a native of St. Albans, Vermont.  The people at the next table were from Vermont too.
When we told them we were also from Vermont, it was very odd. 

This was so strange!  It had to mean something!  
A good omen of something, maybe?
A Vermonter welcoming us to Nashville!

The TALL girl told us she had to learn how to speak correctly before she could begin her job.  It took her a while to say "y'all"  like a real southerner!  She also told us how much she loves living in Nashville and wished Kerry luck in her interview.

Wandering the streets after lunch, we noticed a lot of Jack Daniels souvenirs.

It was a very interesting little area, with one bar after another along the streets and the sound of country music coming from each open door.   The amazing thing was how really GOOD all of the singers were!

We stopped to listen to this young girl while we had an ice cream cone.  Her mother stood nearby watching.  She probably imagined herself a future Taylor Swift!

We walked by the Bridgestone Arena...

and went to the Country Music Hall of Fame.

We went quickly through the exhibits of the really old timers.  It started to get interesting when we saw Elvis Presley's gold limo and piano.

There were walls of gold and platinum records.

The displays of the more current country singers were more interesting for me.

Brad Paisley's guitar...

Keith Urban...

The dress Carrie Underwood wore when she won American Idol...

and Taylor Swift, complete with home movies.

After walking around a little more, we went back to the hotel.  

Kerry wanted to get a good night of sleep before her interview in the morning.

She had been preparing for this interview and had papers full of facts that she was studying before going to bed.  We ordered room service for breakfast the next morning so she could relax as she got ready to go.

I went with Kerry to the interview, but waited downstairs in the lobby. 

Afterward, she was given an iPod with a self-guided tour of the medical center.

The tour started at the Children's Hospital.

It was amazing!

The hospital was comprised of many different buildings, and I followed Kerry as she took the audio tour.

The grounds were just as beautiful as the buildings.  

There were plenty of areas to sit in peaceful solitude, 

away from whatever was happening

 inside the hospital. 

Kerry thought the interview went well - as far as she could tell.  

But they were interviewing 200 candidates for an undetermined number of positions.

It was hard to know exactly what they were looking for and what her chances were.

Things are so different in this time when social media is so prevalent.  There was a Facebook page for the applicants to join to communicate with each other.  Last week, Kerry read on Facebook about others getting wait-listed or rejected.  The following day, she sent us a copy of the email with an offer of employment!

The thought of moving all the way to Nashville was a little scary, but after much deliberation, Kerry accepted the offer with the support of her fellow classmates at UVM.  I know how hard it will be for her to leave Burlington because I felt the same way when I came to Hartford for my first job at Travelers Insurance Company many years ago.

But I had really good vibes when we were there,

 and I have a really good feeling 

that Kerry is going to love working and living there. 

After all, there was the omen.

Congratulations, Kerry!

I Knew It All Along

I have so many wonderful memories of being a mom when my children were young.   Without a doubt, some of the most enjoyable times were spent reading books to them.

There were so many really great reads that are well-known:  

Goodnight, Moon

The Very Hungry Caterpillar

Corduroy

Love You, Forever

Even though these books were written for children,  their messages are meaningful to adults too.  One of my all time favorites is a book you've probably never heard of.  It's not even being printed anymore.  

I found our copy inside Annie's special box - a large rubbermaid container that I gave to each of my children to save their favorite things as they outgrew them.

The very first page set the scene.  "Wally Raccoon looked worried."

Wally's mother had always walked him to school, but he was at an age where many other kids his age were already walking to school on their own.  His mother was trying to convince Wally that he could walk to school by himself too.  He was big enough.  He was ready.

But Wally was afraid.  Wally's imagination ran wild as he worried about all of the bad things that could happen on his way to school by himself.

Maybe he would get lost.

What if the bridge breaks when he walks over it and there are sharks in the water?

What if he sees a mushroom in the woods and eats it, and it makes him sick?

What if he stops to look at a rainbow and he's late for school?

What if he doesn't look where he's going and falls in a giant hole and can't get out?

His mother did all she could to reassure Wally that he would not get lost, the bridge was strong, he wouldn't eat any mushrooms, etc.  The next day, Wally successfully walked to school and walked home alone.   When he saw his mother waiting for him, he was so excited and proud,  and he announced that he wanted to walk alone every single day!

Now it was Wally's mom turn to worry.  She was worried he didn't need her anymore.

I LOVED THE MESSAGE IN THIS BOOK!

Isn't this true, all through life, when we face new experiences that we are unsure of?

 Our imaginations create all kinds of scary "what if" situations. 

These crazy fears can stand in the way of our growth if we let them.

As we mature,  

we don't need Mother Raccoon to tell us that our fears are unwarranted.  

We are "big enough" to realize it ourselves. 

And as we experience more of life, we become more confident in ourselves.

When we look back, we say to ourselves:

"I knew I could do it.  I knew it all along".