For the first 50 years of my life, my perfectionist self mistakenly believed it was all about knowing more, getting it right, planning, attempting to prevent bad things from happening, and keeping all of my chicks in a row. It took me this long to discover that the JOURNEY is all that matters. This quote from Gilda Radner sums it all up:

"I wanted a perfect ending. Now I've learned, the hard way, that some poems don't rhyme, and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what's going to happen next.
"


Saturday, November 1, 2014

Getting Things Off the Cloud

My iCloud storage has filled up, so I backed up the photos on my iPhone today to get them off the cloud and onto my hard drive.  It's been two years since I cleaned it off last, and it was so much fun looking back and remembering the not-so-memorable little moments from the past years.

When you take a picture with a camera phone, it has a whole
different quality than those taken with a real camera.

Most often pictures are not exceptional in composition or image quality, but they have a special quality nonetheless.


People are more relaxed in phone pictures.  Pictures are mostly taken without a lot of planning or worrying how you look.





Many of the pictures on my phone were sent to me by my kids to let me know what they are up to.





 Sometimes I send cute pet pictures to the kids...


or pictures of what their dad and I are doing...





Kerry frequently sends pictures of her kitten, Fletcher.  Very frequently.





Adam recently wanted to know if I liked this coat he was thinking of buying...

I sent pictures to my sister and niece to ask their opinion when I was dress shopping last summer...


I can't count the number of times the kids have called for recipes, so I just take a picture of the recipe card and send it along to them in a text...


My phone camera came in handy when I visited my aunt and uncle in Vermont this fall...



We all thought Adam was joking when he texted this picture to all of us last month, but it was for real.

Kerry sent me a picture from the inside of my favorite college bar (hers too!)


and Adam sent this beautiful night scene from Columbia...


I would never know what Mel's new bunny looked like without a texted photo...

And lastly, one of the coolest things I've seen lately.  Adam shops at a Whole Foods in the city where there are two floors.  This is a picture of the side-by-side escalators for people and shopping carts!


My phone is all cleaned off now, 
ready to be filled with more little snippets of my life.
I can't wait to see what they are!



Thursday, October 16, 2014

Beautifully Blended

When I was dating my husband back in 1982,  I remember holding hands, walking down the street in Hartford and noticing not-so-nice glares from older women passing by.  I also remember eating pizza in downtown Burlington and hearing people commenting about us in the next booth.



When we were married in 1984,  it had only been 17 years since the Supreme Court decision to legalize interracial marriage in all states (many states had legalized it earlier than this).

Our differences didn't matter to me.  Other's reactions didn't bother me.
Vance was 2nd generation American.  His grandparents were born in Japan, but as far as I was concerned, he was as American as I was.  My grandmother had immigrated from Poland and spoke little English, and my mother's grandparents had come from Ireland.


When we had children,  I don't remember thinking anything about their mixed race.  Their developing identity would include aspects from both cultures.   There were many times when I was with my children without my husband when I was approached by strangers inquiring where my children were adopted from.  It was understandable and didn't really bother me.


We live in a small town where there were very few children that were not caucasian, and very few biracial children.  As far as I could see, they were accepted by the other children and teachers with no racial bias.  It just was not an issue.



Vance's cousins all married caucasians, so the children of his family had a similar look to ours.


I see features from my family too.  The dimples from my mom.  Adam's smile and angular jawline are my dad's.  Annie looks very much like my sister, Lori. 
And Kerry very closely resembles my sister's daughter, Hali.


The kids are all grown up now.

Multiracial families  have become more prominent in the U.S. in the past few decades.  The U.S. Census reports that the percentage of interracial couples grew by 32 percent between 2000 and 2010.

The faces of mixed-race America are in politics, business, sports, movies, TV and advertising.

Yet while our nation is increasingly diverse, there are still factors that can leave kids wondering where they fit in.  One of my children struggles when faced with the choice of "Asian" or "Caucasian" on standardized tests, and feels uncomfortable when asked "What are you?"

I have always thought of my children as both Asian and Caucasian.
But in reality they are neither.
They are not really Caucasian and not really Asian.  

I don't believe the question, "What are you" is meant in a derogatory manner.  It used to be the norm that you could identify a person's heritage pretty easily.  Biracial features disrupt our expectations.  We can no longer slot people into familiar categories.  We are not used to seeing those eyes with that hair or nose.



I've read that as biracial children get older, some identify more with one race than the other, often due to which side of the family they are closer to or where their loyalties lie.  Some cannot identify with either cultures.  Many, though, celebrate their mixed race heritage.

Growing up,  I always felt there was a big difference between my mother's very Irish family and my father's very Polish family.  I know that I have characteristics of both and I have never felt torn to identify with one more than the other.  Is it so different for my kids? 

It may be hard on my kids sometimes, and I hope they come to terms with their heritage in their own ways.

I look at my kids, though, and know only one thing.
They are beautifully blended.






Sunday, September 28, 2014

There Was Something Missing

"Listen to the mustn'ts, child.  Listen to the don'ts.  Listen to the  shouldn'ts, the impossibles, the won'ts.  Listen to the never haves, then listen close to me... Anything can happen, child. Anything can be.

                            ~Shel Silverstein


Looking back at many pictures of my life, I now notice something that never crossed my mind when the photos were taken.  I notice there was something missing.  In hindsight, if I knew then what I know now...


In my early 20's,  I played a lot of tennis.  
But there was something missing.

Still missing here with my friends Margaret and Mary.

Never crossed my mind here, in Burlington, in the 1980's.
(Look at how long that car is behind us!)

Not here either, with Adam and Kerry at the swim club where we spent
so many of our summer days.

Still missing - here in Florida on a winter visit to my Mom and Dad.

Not here either - with Annie at Lake George.

There was something missing here too 
(and I'm not talking about Adam's teeth!)

We hiked to Maria Von Trapp's chapel in Stowe, and here I
am with Annie again.  There is something missing here too
(besides my waistline in my mommy jeans)

Nowhere to be found in this picture with my sister Lori
on the Golden Gate Bridge.

Nor here, helping out at the Civil War Encampment
for Kerry's class.


Still not present at the dog park with Kerry and Annie.


And nowhere in sight when visiting Adam in Rome during
his semester abroad.

And definitely not here on this bright winter day with my dogs.

So what was missing for most of my life???

There they are!  But I think they were only a fashion statement
in this picture pushing my doll in her stroller.

Sunglasses!

The bright sun never bothered me.  
I always felt I could see clearer without sunglasses.
I was not someone who used them for fashion.

But when my kids were young,  I made sure they had
good quality sunglasses.







I needed to protect their eyes from the sun.
But what exactly was I trying to prevent?

I know that UV rays accumulating over time can greatly
increase your chance of getting cataracts and macular degeneration.

But I didn't know about this.


This is a picture of my eye.
Both of my eyes look like this.

Do you see that little bubble and cluster of blood vessels
on the left of my iris?

That is called a pinguecula.

"A pinguecula is a small, yellowish growth on the conjunctiva near the cornea. It can appear on either side of the cornea, but occurs more often on the nose (nasal) side. The growth may increase in size over many years.  It is benign.  They are thought to be caused by ultraviolet light and are most common among people who spend a great deal of time outdoors." 


This is how I walk the dogs now - with large sunglasses and a hat to protect my eyes from the sun.

I now own 4 pairs of sunglasses and wear them everywhere I go.

I will do everything I can to stop the pinguecula from growing larger.

I DON'T want them to look like this:




So if you are one of those people that don't protect your eyes, especially if you are young,  think again.

You can easily prevent things like this  (and worse) from happening in the future.