The First Day

Change has always been difficult for me.  I'm someone who takes comfort in some degree of predictability.  Of course, there are changes that aren't difficult.  What I'm talking about are changes that you know will affect your life on a large scale - those that keep you up at night with "what ifs" and occupy your waking mind with attempts to make plans for the future.  The problem is, it is impossible to plan when there is so much uncertainty.

My daughter, Annie, begins her first day of true adulthood (the first day of her first real adult job) tomorrow.  She will be teaching band and music 3rd, 4th, 5th, 6th, 7th, and 8th graders.  Wow!  THAT is a day of change, for sure.  As I listen to her and watch her, I kind of know what she is feeling.  I had a first day of work one time too.

 After living at home ALL of my life until then,  I had gotten a studio apartment, sight unseen, in New Britain, CT at the recommendation of my uncle.  I drove my parents' station wagon,  loaded with stuff, on Thursday, September 10th, 1981 from Burlington to New Britain, CT.  No GPS. I got a speeding ticket in Greenfield, MA.  I somehow found my apartment complex and moved the contents of the car into my tiny apartment.  My parents and sister would be coming on the weekend, but I had my first day of orientation for my job at Travelers Insurance Company in Hartford on Friday, September 11.

On Friday morning,  bolstered by my "business suit", I drove courageously into Hartford and parked in a parking garage a few blocks from the building.  I was in a training class for computer programmers.  There were 25 other trainees of varying ages and ethnicities.  I don't remember much about that day.  But I do remember what happened afterward.

This was a time with no GPS, cell phones, or internet.  I got to my car to drive back to New Britain, anxious for the arrival of my family.  I had never driven in so much traffic before, and I missed the sign marking the turn to get on I84W.  Instead,  I drove into the north end of Hartford.  Soon I was in the midst of a very run down street lined with graffiti-ridden buildings and storefronts with windows covered in bars.  There were more Black and Hispanic people on one block than I had ever witnessed in my entire life in Burlington.  This was a place a young girl from Vermont was not comfortable being lost in.  Somehow, I managed to retrace my path and find my way back to the highway and back to my apartment.

My parents and my sister helped me move in and get settled.  I bought an inexpensive but reliable used gold Dodge Dart with a black roof and white-wall tires from my uncle who worked at Papa's Dodge in New Britain for $1750.  In one weekend,  life as I knew it had disappeared.

I would begin my job at Travelers Insurance company on Monday.  My mom and sister drove back to Vermont, but my dad had business meetings in the area and would stay for a few more days.  I was so thankful for that!

On Monday,  I used the commuter bus from the mall to get to work (first time taking a bus).
I made it through the day with this Asian guy staring at me from across the room.  I looked forward to seeing my Dad that night for dinner.  The commuter bus stopped and I quickly located my old-lady car.  On the windshield was a piece of paper.  It was a note from my Dad.  His business meetings were canceled and he had driven home earlier in the day.  He wished me luck and signed it "Love, Dad" in his barely readable handwriting.  

I burst into tears.  Somehow I was able to see well enough to get to my apartment.  I sat.
I cried.  I was lonely.  I was scared.   There was so much uncertainty in my life.  I had no friends there.  I had almost no money.  I had nobody to talk to.  I had no phone.  I missed my cat.  I missed my family.  There were no mountains to look at or lakes to sit by.  

I wiped my tears,  put myself back together as best as I could, and drove to the mall to find a pay phone.  I called home collect and they took the call.  It was short because long-distance phone calls were expensive,  but this call gave me the strength and courage to go on.

Over time,  I became less lonely.  I got my own cat.  I discovered beautiful places in CT.  I made friends and had fun. How could I have guessed that I would never move back to Vermont?  That I would stay here and have a wonderful life.  That I would marry that Asian guy that was staring at me on that first day. 

Life is interesting and unpredictable and scary and wonderful.  
It's just a good thing that those "first days" happen only so often!