I Feel Their Pain

As a mother of 3 adult children,  I remember well the years when they were little.  No day was uneventful.  Emotions and moods could change quickly and often back then - often determined by how tired they were.   As they grew into adulthood, I was just as aware of their changes in mood, however the reasons  became less and less apparent to me.  Sometimes they were willing to share, and sometimes, as is natural, they kept those reasons to themselves.  Their emotions inevitably become more complex and wide-ranging too.

As a mother, I have felt every scrape of the knee, disappointment, illness, and heartache my children have endured.  If one of them is sad, hurt, or unhappy, then, at some level, so am I.  This continues now as they have grown into young adults, and I expect it will continue forever to some extent.  We are inextricably bound one to the other.

Even when my kids are not living at home with me,  I am constantly able to see them in pictures on social media or in the many text messages that get sent in my family.

Seeing their happy smiles in the photos reassures me

of their happiness and well-being.

But when I see these photos,  I don't just take them at face value.

I often try to see beneath the surface to how they are really doing.

Since they only reveal what they want us to see,  and tell

us selectively what is going on in their lives,

it often becomes like a puzzle.  

We listen. We observe. 

But then we feel.

It's almost as if the umbilical cord, far from being

severed at birth, continues the flow of emotions 

from mother to child and back again.

We know something is up before we know what it is.

Mother's intuition.

When we finally discover the reason for our

feelings (sometimes we never do),

it all makes sense and we can release that

nagging unexplained worry.

Not too far from childhood, my adult children have 

and continue to go through

difficult times, unsure of themselves and their futures.

Just as when they were little and scraped their knees,

I continue to feel their pain.

But I don't always know the right answers 

or possess the tools to make them feel better.