Perfectly Imperfect

For all of the ways that I'm a perfectionist, in MANY ways I'm not.

I make mistakes ALL the time.

It used to bother me a lot.  After forgetting to do something or doing something incorrectly, I would beat myself up about it, silently asking myself "how could I have done that?".  "What was I thinking?". When I think back, it was crazy to put pressure on myself to attempt to do the impossible - to be perfect.  

One good thing that comes with age is perspective.  I'm much gentler on myself now.  I truly get it.  I am not, and never will be, perfect in any way.  Time has made me understand that making mistakes has taught me so much over the years and made me a better, more confident person. And I don't often make the same mistake twice, but I won't say never. 

What's really tough is having a husband who is almost machine-like with regards to memory and keeping on task.  

Today we were making another 5 hour drive between Rochester and home.  Vance usually does the driving on trips when we're together, but he was tired today and asked me to take over driving midway through the trip.

I took over the wheel while Vance reclined in the back seat for a nap.  I found a really interesting Oprah show on XM radio.  The discussion, ironically, was about how everyone has areas where they are gifted and areas where they struggle. It's a beautiful thing how the people in your life, each with their own strengths and weakness, tend to pick up the slack for each other.  We learn much from others who are gifted in different ways than us.  People who work harmoniously together tend to complement each other in this way.  I was very absorbed in the show.

I had been driving for about 1/2 hour, lost in thought (which is a nicer way of saying I wasn't really paying attention to where I was going), when I remembered a while back that the exit to the Mass Pike was only 4 miles away. That was, well, a long time ago!  The GPS was on mute, but checking it I saw our estimated arrival time was an hour later than when I began driving! This was not good!

Glancing in the rear view mirror, I saw that Vance was still fast asleep.  The GPS showed the only way to get home was to get off the highway and go back to the exit I missed.  I knew Vance would wake up if the car slowed down, but I had no choice.  He woke up slightly confused, and I readily admitted my error.  His calculator-style mind quickly did the math.   I had driven 30 minutes out of my way, and had to drive another 30 minutes to get back to the exit I missed.  I had been driving for only 75 minutes in total.  So, in effect, I had advanced us only 15 minutes toward home in that time!

Vance took over driving and we were getting off the exit I had missed and were making progress toward home once again.

The good thing is - I didn't obsess about my driving failure.  It was done.  We were back on track.  I KNOW I will never miss that exit again. We made it home safely.

The other good thing is - Vance didn't obsess about my mistake.  The years have also taught him that perfection is not possible in himself or others, especially me.

After 30 years of marriage (our 30th wedding anniversary is tomorrow, the 14th), we understand, accept, and value each other's strengths and weaknesses.  Life is a team effort.  We are better together than we ever could be alone!