My Baby is Twenty-One

April 22, 1991.  This was a huge milestone in my life.
                           It was the day I became a mom.
                           I had ALWAYS wanted to be a mother.
                           I had waited a long time for this day.
                           I was determined not to screw up.

April 22, 2012   My baby boy turns 21 years old today.
                           It seems like yesterday that he was born.
                           I've been a mom for 21 years.
                           I have tried to be a good mom.
                           I've screwed up MANY times.
                           I learned from my mistakes.

After 21 years, I feel like I am finally qualified to be a mother.
How easy it would be now!

I would be more relaxed.

I wouldn't second guess myself so often.

I wouldn't lay awake at night going over the events of each day,
wondering if I had done the right thing, if I had handled each situation
as a good mother should.

I have Adam to thank for this.  He was my teacher.
As I said, I learned from my mistakes.
And most of my mistakes were on him.
The firstborn.

My intentions were always good.
But it's like learning to ride a bike without training wheels.
In the beginning, you envision yourself getting on the seat
   and riding perfectly down the street.
In reality, it's scary.
Others may try to tell you what to do, but you must find your own way.
In reality, you take a few spills and maybe even shed some tears.
It takes a while to find your balance.
When you finally do, your bike may have some dents and scratches,
but you love your bike more than anything.

On this 21st anniversary of becoming a mom,
I love my little boy more than anything.
He has grown into a good man, in spite of me.
And hopefully, because of me too.

Happy Birthday, Adam!