For the first 50 years of my life, my perfectionist self mistakenly believed it was all about knowing more, getting it right, planning, attempting to prevent bad things from happening, and keeping all of my chicks in a row. It took me this long to discover that the JOURNEY is all that matters. This quote from Gilda Radner sums it all up:

"I wanted a perfect ending. Now I've learned, the hard way, that some poems don't rhyme, and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what's going to happen next.
"


Sunday, October 6, 2013

a journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step


“I sustain myself with the love of family.”    ― Maya Angelou



This weekend we drove almost 1000 miles to get our family together.


First stop - Rochester, NY

Annie began her musical journey at the Eastman School of Music five weeks ago.
She has faced so many challenges since we've seen her last.
She has conquered many fears and insecurities too.

We met Annie on Friday outside her dorm on her way back from class.
Greeting us with a big smile and big hug, I couldn't help but think it doesn't get any better than this.



This is what parenting is all about. 

  
At lunch, we met some of her new friends.  Sabrina...


CJ and Drew...


and Khanh.


She was excited to show us around a little now that the school has become her home.








We went back to her dorm to get her things to pack them in the car for the next leg of our journey - Burlington.



Her bulletin boards in her room were covered with photographs of people from her past.


After driving though many backroads of New York


we finally crossed Lake Champlain on the bridge at Crown Point into Vermont.

When we got to Burlington,  Kerry and Adam were waiting for us at his apartment.
It was late, but we chatted for a while before heading to the hotel for some sleep.


We stayed at the new Hotel Vermont on Cherry Street.  It was amazing!
Annie slept on a trundle bed on the floor.  She commented the next morning how nice it was to sleep close the the ground after sleeping in a lofted bed near the ceiling for the past 5 weeks!


Adam met us for a trip to the farmers market.
Then he played in the leaves with his sister!








Then we drove to Williston to watch Kerry play softball.


UVM had 3 games against UConn.  They didn't win, but it didn't matter.


After the games, we went out to dinner and then to our favorite place - Burlington Bay - for creemees!



This morning we ate breakfast together at the Skinny Pancake before heading back to Connecticut with Annie.


I will be driving her back to Rochester on Tuesday to end her fall break.

If you add those miles, we will have driven well over the thousand mark.

But it is soooo worth it!

Friday, September 27, 2013

The Most Beautiful Day

I had my yearly mammogram last week.  I'd forgotten all about it until two days ago.  I came home from walking the dogs on a beautiful fall day to find the light blinking on my answering machine.  I pressed play.

The message was for me.  It was the mammography specialist at Jefferson Radiology.  Would I please call her back?

Intellectually, I knew it was stupid to panic.  But my brain was going to places that weren't calm and reasonable.  I tried calling her back but got her answering machine.  As instructed, I left my cell phone number so she could reach me wherever I was.  Five hours later when I finally talked with her in person, she just told me that something in the films looked different than last year and they needed more views to determine what it was.

The first appointment I could get was two days away.

My mind was all over the place.  Growing up, breast cancer was a pretty dismal diagnosis.  I know there is a world of difference in breast cancer treatments today.  Still, just the thought of any cancer at all is enough to instill fear in my heart.  My kids still need me.  My husband. My sister.  My grandchildren would never know me.  I'm glad I take so many pictures.  I'm glad I write this blog.

Have you ever heard about someone you know being diagnosed with cancer and you feel horrible for them, but you also feel a little bit of relief because you think your odds of getting cancer have just gone down?  Then you feel guilty for even thinking that thought?  I have, and I'm not proud of it.

Other thoughts were of my parents.  I considered how the end of life isn't quite as scary as it used to be because I believe I will see them again someday.

Then I considered how I would face the disease process.  Would I be strong and face it with courage and optimism, doing whatever I had to do to beat the disease and enjoying life as much as possible?  Would I be able to appreciate all that I have?  Or would I wallow in self-pity?  I hope I wouldn't do that.

Next, I started cleaning the house.  I put away the 3 laundry baskets full of clean laundry that had been decorating my bedroom for the past few weeks.   I vacuumed.  I cleaned the kid's bathroom.  Kind of like the nesting instinct before you give birth, I was kind of preparing for something.

I also talked to God.

Sometime during that first day of not knowing, a sense of calm and peace came over me. It seems like I had thought through every possibility that could happen,  and I knew I could handle it. Who knows? Maybe there's a reason this was happening that I didn't know yet.  I had to trust in God. I just felt that everything was going to be ok.

I slept 9 hours last night and woke up very rested.  It was a beautiful day once again.  As I walked into the medical building I was in awe at how beautiful the trees were.  And the breeze felt so nice.  I was amazingly calm.

It was a happy ending.  With additional views, the radiologist declared everything to be normal.  YES!

The day was just as beautiful when I walked to my car to leave.  I was relieved for sure.  I was also proud of myself.  Even though it turned out to be nothing, I felt like I had faced the enemy and was stronger because of it.

And more appreciative for my life.




Wednesday, September 25, 2013

21 x 5




All of these girls are now 21 years old!


Julie, Parker, Kaylee, Kerry and Mel live in 4 different states, but made a point of getting together last weekend to celebrate the 21st birthdays of Mel (far right)  and Julie (far left).

 Mel and Julie have been roommates for over 3 years in college.
They just happen to share the same birthday too!


 Vance and I were delighted to be able to take them all out to dinner at Rizzuto's in West Hartford on Saturday.


Kerry turned 21 in July  (notice the eyebrow piercing is gone - yeh!)


There was good food,


tasty drinks,


and interesting conversation!








After dinner, Mel posed with a female "something"...


and Kerry was attracted to "something" else.


We walked to get something sweet for dessert.


 Mel and Julie are training to run a marathon next month, so they chose something healthy at Robeks.


Others chose a different sweet ending.


Then we sat outside on a beautiful fall evening to eat our desserts.




Happy 21st birthday, Mel and Julie!

____________________________________________________________

When we got home, Kerry and Kaylee got exciting news.  They had made a sculpture of comedian Miranda Sings out of a volleyball. They sent it to her and asked her to post a pic on Instagram.  She did!

After only 44 minutes, it had 5815 likes.





By the next night, it was increased to 12,868 likes!





Unbelievable, isn't it?